Well your never gonna find it…
If your looking for it.
Wont come your way
Well youll never find it…
If your looking for it.
Should’ve done something but I’ve done it enough…
By the way your hands were shaking,
Rather waste some time with you…
Naaalala ko pa, ikaw yung girl sa third floor na nakikita ko sa tapat ng classroom namin tuwing 10 am. Iniisip ko nun, ang ganda naman nung babaeng yun… Naaalala ko pa, ikaw yung madalas ko makasabay sa fx pauwi ng bahay galing school… Iniisip ko nun, ang tahimik naman ng babaeng ito, mukhang hindi ako papansinin… Naaalala ko pa, ikaw yung nasa kabilang table sa cafeteria kasama yung mga classmates mo na naghahanda for a report. Iniisip ko nun, mukhang seryoso sa pagaaral ah, matalino pa yata… First year second sem yun noon, bago pa lang tayo sa school parehas… Bago pa lang tayo sa college, bago pa lang sa atin lahat…
Second year na nun makilala kita, ng lubusan… Buti na lang gwapo bestfriend ko, akalain ko ba naman na bestfriend mo rin pala yung nililigawan nya… Hiningi ko number mo, buti na lang binigay mo rin, at landline pa… Naaalala ko pa, sa bawat paguwi ko sa bahay, tumatawag ako kaagad sa’yo. Naaalala ko pa, inaabot tayo ng ilang oras sa kwento ko at sa kwento mo, buti na lang at may telepono… Kasi naman, pag nasa school tayo, hiyang hiya ako sa’yo. Mabuti na yung ngumiti ako sa’yo, yun lang, masaya kasi ako noon, as in masaya ako sa bawat araw na nakikita kita sa school… Dun ko yata unang binigkas at nagkaroon ng kahulugan sa buhay ko ang salitang “ewan”…
New Year’s Eve nun, bumisita pa ako sa inyo… Wow, ang sarap ng biko ng lola mo hah, iniisip ko nun na nauumay na ako sa kinakain ko pero okay lang, kasi ikaw naman yung kakuwentuhan ko e, lalo na sa mga huling minuto ng taon, 2002 yata yun…
Naaalala ko pa, sinabi mo lahat sa akin ang mga nararamdaman mo at ang mga pananaw mo sa buhay pagibig. Masaya ako marinig lahat iyon, sana naman naging makabuluhan yung mga pagaaro ko sa iyo. Ganun lang naman talaga minsan noon, masakit masaktan buhat sa pagmamahal. Sa aking palagay noon, hindi ka sana nasasaktan kung alam lang ng lalaking iyon at kung nakita lang nya ang kahalagahan at kabaitan mo at ang saya na naibibigay mo sa bawat taong nakakausap mo… Hindi ko alam kung ako lang nakapansin sa iyo noon…
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Mahigit limang taon na ang nakalipas mula noon… Masasabi ko na hindi ka nagbago, maganda ka pa rin tulad ng dati… Mahaba pa rin yung buhok mo na pinapakulayan mo paminsan, maputi ka pa rin, yung mga mata mo, so much expressions, yung mga ngiti mo, hindi pa rin nagbabago sa paningin ko at yung mga pangarap mo na unti unti na rin natutupad. Masaya ako para sa iyo, nagmamahal ka ng lubos, hindi ka rin yata nagbago pagdating sa bagay na yun… at syempre, may nagmamahal din sa iyo ng lubos, ngayon…
Naaalala ko pa, sinabi ko sa sarili ko minsan nung huli kita makausap, na sana… kung noon ay ako ngayon…
I have never been the ideal guy.
We started our 6 months of relationship as friends. I remember, I was at my senior year and you are at your 3rd year when I gone to know you. We even had this exchange of letters on our Literature class; you were my partner on it. I have kept our letters, letters that we shared and those were the letters that we have written our feelings, emotions, fun, our own expressions and our hopes.
Upon graduation, I remember you congratulated me and wished me luck. I would like to hug you, but you know me, I’ll just keep it on my smiles. From that time on, our days are counted as more than we used to have it; we became couples then after… I know, you are young and I consider it as first love. It was all joy for me to feel. It was simple and worth to remember. I have been simple on things then and from being that simple guy you’ve known me, things were not doing well after all…
The joy had been changed. I was at my drastic end… Too much of school… Too much of work… Too much family… Too much pressure… Too much of you…
Since then you have been always assuming the worst… I understand the reason. We both have hopes and dreams, and I know as what you have seen then, I am not part of it. I know, I was just simple, I can’t do much.
I still thank you, until now. You moved me, you made me. It gave me this vision of being the ideal guy that you would like to see me or as what you have wanted me then to be. I am now happy for it, I am now happy for you and I am now happy for myself. I have waited for this tomorrow and now I am on it, continually doing the tomorrow that I have thought before. I now think that I can still make things that I wanted them to be, it was all that simple.
But then as we continue to live from the past, I know, I am still, I have never been the ideal guy…
Mahal kong Anak,
Sa aking pagtanda, unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensiyahan. Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ay nakabasag ako ng pinggan o nakatapon ng sabaw sa hapag kainan, huwag mo sana akong kagagalitan. Maramdamin ang isang matanda. Nagse-self-pity ako sa tuwing sinisigawan mo ako. Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi mo, huwag mo naman sana akong sabihan ng ‘binge!’ paki-ulit nalang ang sinabi mo o pakisulat nalang. Pasensya ka na, anak. Matanda na talaga ako. Kapag mahina na ang tuhod ko, pagtiyagaan mo sana akong tulungang tumayo, katulad ng pag-aalalay ko sa iyo noong nag-aaral ka pa lamanglumakad. Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako kung ako man ay nagiging makulit at paulit-ulit na parang sirang plaka. Basta pakinggan mo nalang ako. Huwag mo sana akong pagtatawanan o pagsasawaang pakinggan. Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa? Kapag gusto mo ng lobo, paulit-ulit mo ‘yong sasabihin, maghapon kang mangungulit hangga’t hindi mo nakukuha ang gusto mo. Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo. Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana ang aking amoy. Amoy matanda, amoy lupa. Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo. Mahina na ang katawan ko. Madaling magkasakit kapag nalamigan, huwag mo sana akong pandirihan. Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kitang habulin sa ilalim ng kama kapag ayaw mong maligo. Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako’y masungit, Dala na marahil ito ng katandaan. Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin. Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentuhan naman tayo,kahit sandali lang. Inip na ako sa bahay, maghapong nag-iisa. Walang kausap. Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho, subalit nais kong malaman mo na sabik na sabik na akong makakwentuhan ka, kahit alam kong hindi ka interesado sa mga kwento ko. Natatandaan mo anak, noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kong pakinggan at intindihin ang pautal-utal mong kwento tungkol sa iyong teddy bear. At kapag dumating ang sandali na ako’y magkakasakit at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman, huwag mo sana akong pagsawaang alagaan. Pagpasensyahan mo na sana kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan. Pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan sa mga huling sandali ng aking buhay.Tutal hindi na naman ako magtatagal. Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw, hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay At bigyan mo ako ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang kamatayan. At huwag kang mag-alala, kapag kaharap ko na ang Diyos na lumikha, ibubulong ko sa kanya na pagpalain ka sana… Dahil naging mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama’t ina…
Written by Rev. Fr. Ariel F. Robles
CWL Spiritual Director
St. Augustine Parish
Baliuag, Bulacan
I dialed the number and can’t reach you. Tried it again and still can’t reach you. I tried sending you a text message and my phone says, message sent but the thing is did you really get my message? So then, to make it sure, I texted you again, hoping you have read now my message and you will be there to answer my call when I try to call you up again.
I am also wondering, who is this same lady who’s always been there on your line whenever I try calling and I can’t reach you. In a way, she’s interrupting me. She’s there to say:
- The number you have dialed is either unattended or out of coverage area, please try your call later. (Damn, where you at?)
- Sorry, you don’t have enough prepaid credit to make this call, please reload… blah-blah-blah (yeah, I run out of load)
- Your current balance is below 20 pesos; please reload a new call/ text card immediately to avail of the service… (She even knows how much credit I have left?! 20 Pesos, shame on me…)
- The number you have dialed is incorrect! (Wow, how will I miss you on this?)
I know that these are just part of the services that my phone company is applying on their subscribers. I understand that I should be in a way, be weary on my calls and on my credit as well. Anyway, I’m just wondering, who really that lady is answering over the line? Do you happen to know her? =)
These days I found myself with the words being said by most of the people around me. I consider it as a self affliction and decision towards a particular plan and goal of the person saying it. It’s been said, “Moving on”, two words that entails promises and hopes. Just one fresh start will do.
I also sometimes feel lost and having gone of a direction that I need to be on a particular situation. It provokes sadness and made you think, a lot. What would be the best implication upon this feeling or emotion that I feel? A decision should come along with it. I should decide that is not to have any other option on that particular decision, being particular to your idea and take action with it. It is fair if I will consider the plan that I made with it and the people that I care for that decision, but it would be better or righteous to say that I will have the decision because I consider everything but myself for it, that I made the decision because I need it and I should do it for myself after all.
It’s given that there are people to consider with our decision upon moving on, but then these people should understand it as well. They got the same situation with you having the decision. It could be that same emotion that they will feel upon it but it has been given that they should be moving on as well. Just one fresh start will do.
Hope this finds you well bro…
It is the touch that I am longing for
The subtle hands soothing my skin
So gentle to feel
So gentle to be in love
It is the embrace that I am longing for
The tight hug all over your arms
So warm to feel
So warm to be in love
It is the kiss that I am longing for
The soft lips of your desire
So sweet to feel
So sweet to be in love
I am not holding back anymore…
Riding the pedestal towards being in love again…
Considering someone like you…
Stay…
“As I sit here reflecting back on my time with Further Seems Forever, saying to myself ‘what happens when your dreams have come true already?’ Well my answer is ‘it probably wasn’t my dream all along.’ Sure maybe it was part of my calling but the truth is that making a family has been the goal ever since I can remember. My family is what I live for now and I am very glad to do so.”
-Chad Neptune
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